"LET GO..." is what i really mean today.

Yesterday I was crying.

"...for you to be able to feel the real freedom and peace of mind, you have to let go and accept all the grudges you keep in heart. You can't see God face to face when all that runs in your mind is bitterness. Go spend a day alone and cry about everything. Feel sorry for all the things you think is regretful, learn to forgive those people even you don't hear them say sorry for the hurt that they've done to you... And let your heart speak to Him instead of words uttered by mouth... God will never leave you alone. He'll give someone to go over you. God loves us that much. Pero bessy, namamalo si God. Takot ako sa palo nya. I know, inside of you are fears too. Natatakot ka din kasi maghirap. Know what sacrifice really means...by heart. Talk to Him more often. He's just waiting for you..."

I can't speak. I'm looking from afar but my senses and heart understand every bit of words she says. Rachelle and I had been best of friends since college. We were partners in crime and justice for about five to six years... When we were in college, we often make mistakes impulsively. We might be unideal for everybody but now i guess we are so much more than what other people think. And to describe my best friend... She'd grown much compared to me.


Let me just tell you what happened.

I hated the world. I said, "Bakit pa ako nabigyan ng ama, kung wala naman pakialam sakin... Hindi ko man lang maramdaman na may ama pa ko. I'm going thru medications now, alam nia yun. I'm diagnosed to have a polycystic ovarian syndrome. Pero ano, wala lang sa kanya. Ni pangangamusta kung nakakamatay ba yun o hindi...wala. I greeted him last time. I texted him saying "Happy father's day". No reply. I've just heard lumabas pala sila ng mga stepmom ko. Every year ganon... Kahit birthday nya, sila-sila lang din. Hindi ba masakit yun? I am always being left. Hindi ako manhid. Bata pa lang ako, frustration ko na yun. Ang buong pamilya. Hindi ko lang masanay ang sarili ko. Oo..masakit pa rin. Bawat pagkukulang ay iniintindi ko...pero un sakit na wala ang presence nia pag kailangan ko sya makes me feel more of bitterness. Magtetext lang sya pag me ipapagawa, may hihinging favor, o magpapaturo sa facebook."

Tapos may isa pa kong tanong. "Bakit pa ko nabigyan ng ina, kung kinuha agad sya na wala man lang akong kamalay-malay. Marami pa ko gustong sabihin at ikuento sa kanya pero, nasan sya?". Enough said.


Hateful, isn't it...
Kapag ganyan nga ng ganyan, ang hirap talaga mabuhay. People might say I am an immature person. But i guess, they don't know what they're saying. I've been through a lot to which I can say... "Baka pwede na ko bumigay..."

Some people are getting involved kahit di naman dapat.

At this point in time gusto ko malaman kung nasaan ang "peace of mind" na hinahanap ko. I know, something is missing. I lost Him...and I'm finding my way back.

I guess I need to let go. I might not give off everything now, pero paunti-unti, makakaya ko.


I am sorry sa lahat ng taong nasaktan ko by words and deeds. I mean it.


SIDENOTE:

You can have all the chances by lifetime. It is up to you how would you make it up.
Good morning PH.

IBBS (I'll be back SOON...)

Just dropping to say good night. :)
I'll be back soon...
PROMISE.




Sidenote?
Well, ofcourse... Blogging has been a part of my life. It might be a just a keepsake of my thoughts, but it will NEVER be forgotten. :)

...it's The Adjustment Bureau FEVER!

"People should realize freewill is a gift...We'd never know how to use until you'd fight for it.."


Sidenote:
It's amazing that in this month, I've watched the best movies EVER.

Something NEW...

Hey, i am back again. Well, i was about to shut the laptop when i've got to realize something i need to share. Some people are confused of how they're going to make life more interesting.

Well... Here is a piece of advice.

When you think you are so bored of what you think life is...

ALWAYS TRY SOMETHING NEW.

-a thing you haven't tried yet. Or perhaps go to a place you haven't been to. I realized that the more you seek of a solution to a problem, the more they don't show up. So instead of focusing on the solutions, try to think of an adventure. Eat what you haven't ate yet, play the game you haven't played yet, or watch the movie you haven't watched yet.

Life is as easy as it's complicated. So why would you loose your mind thinking of how to run your own life?



Life is just a matter of choice, it just varies on how you take control. It can either be wise or stupid. And nobody is to blame if it's not perfect, cause life is indeed not a perfection to strive but a happiness to learn appreciation.





SIDENOTE:
Monday, quits na tayo :P

Certainly, APZ' still here... :)

It has been quite awhile since I touched the laptop’s keypad for blogging. Definitely, it feels good. Imagine my smile right now. Like this -> ^____^ hahaha.

I was into a lot of thinking right now, and YES…it’s not making me feel any better, so I need to stop. And for goodness sake I am suffering from a fever just yesterday. My meat is shaking and all I say is “NO” to some bites. Could you imagine that? I even lost my appetite. It’s somewhat horrible for a normal me.


Anyway, moving back to the original nature, I am in the middle of deciding what to do with my life. I have lots on my list, drop it down and you’ll be confused what I really want. I, myself, was confused as well. I don’t know if it’s healthy still to stay at Teletech having the graveyard shift. Somewhat, it’s healthy for my wallet…but I guess my body just beg to disagree.

Some part of me whispers that I need to stay cool at my job, earn and save. And frankly, a part of me says, just RESIGN because there’s a better job waiting for me out there. As in OUT THERE. And I was thinking as well if there’s a possibility for me to take my masteral…and take my LET exam as well. I want to travel as well, and my mind told me to get my application submitted to some airlines company. Whew. Just plain confusing.haha. Anyhow, let me ask Almighty Dad for a sign… Please, please, please…



Sidenote:
I JUST WANT TO SAY "Welcome..." to the new me. I've changed a bit. I'll tell you alot of it some other time. See yeah!

I AM DEFINITELY MYSELF'S GURU :)

Good morning PH, and Good evening to some part of the world. I am back. I can hear hurrays shouting from my veins. haha! Certainly, I am so happy. The feeling is subtle, like the song by Madonna. LIKE A VIRGIN! laughs. ^___^"

Sunday morning. Sitting in front of the laptop.
Typing.
Smiling. <-
Oh,backspace it...
I am intellectually deeply happy. I am not just smiling. It's really beyond. Over acting but I have reason enough to do so. Cause, this is the first blog I have today(I mean for 2011). Well YES. Just to welcome a precious year for everybody. Let's give 2011 a big hug! WHy? 2012 is the end of the world, C'mOn. Let's do everything!!! haha. Just Kiddin'.

Anyway, 2010's really a great year. It's been yeah, a big threshold of a new life. The former year taught me many things. It's like a massive ball compressed with emotonal heartaches, excitements, felicity, and ofcourse a bunch of considered learnings. I learned from alot of people, but absolutely I learned mostly through myself. I earned and gained most specifically in my spiritual well being. I was lost but still learned to step back and get attached, ONCE AGAIN. I learned on how to embrace GOD and ofcourse myself more.


I AM DEFINITELY MYSELF's GURU.



The previous year was a rainfull of friends. Why do I say so?

I have my JOB. I met new people. I have new environment, reason to stay as me and chage a little. I became attached to people I never expected I would. And, ahuh... Taking a peek on the other side, I learned people I should be avoiding. Tragic but it's true. You'll meet alot of friends, but certainly, you will count those who are TRUE. Some will stay for a moment, laugh with you, cry with you but you will never force them to stay even if you beg. That's how life works... I guess. Well, enough. I saw you nod.

Actually, I want to take this opportunity as well to say "BIG THANKS"! to people who became a part of my 2010.

To those who remained with me...
Thank you so much! We still have a lot of CATCH UPS to do. Be prepared.ahah! *FLYING HUGS with FALLING CONFETTI*.

For those who left...

Good luck and Thank you. Hope you all find reasons to laugh hard and survive life. If you want a back step, I'M STILL HERE.


For those who are on their way to meet me...

Welcome! You will certainly won't forget every moment we are about to make. So get ready! haha.

2011 is certainly a BIG INTERROGATIVE MARK for everybody, even a fortune teller can't tell everything that was meant to happen(ofcourse...since i WAS young, I really think they're just GUESSING..ahaha). What we should take note of are not the heartaches and failures we get on the way. Otherwise, every good things we learned, even BAD. Learn to screw up the rusty one and replace a new. Be thankful. Be brave. Take chances, and if you FAIL, have the strenght enough to get up. Every wound heals even if it takes time.

SIDENOTE:

I may be busy. But it is not a reason enough to end my BLOG lIFE. ^____^

I know it's kinda late, BUT...

HAPPY 2011! LIVE LIFE and LOVE. Never forget to call HIM. God bless everyone!*