An Open Letter for Myself

Hi Apple,

It's been a while. Looking at the mirror, you seem just fine. But are you?

I know how it feels like.

I know you've been telling some people close to you how confused you are with your emotion, mind, and spirit wise. It must be really hard for you. But I admire you actually for looking fine even if it really is the opposite of your current state. I admire you as well for keeping that classic smile for those people that surround you. I know you just want everyone to be happy rather than empathizing you with you multi-awarding worth of life drama.

I know how crazy it is. Cry if you need so. Nobody sees you. Weep until you forget what you're weeping about. Until you get back to your "I am ready again" self.

Few years ago, one of your college professors asked you to write on a sheet of paper the things you want to achieve someday, or how do you see yourself five years from now. I bet everyone have experienced that, not just you. Well, I remembered a couple of things that you listed.

One of it is TRAVELING. At that moment, you have no idea what lies ahead or if it is possible. Right? What you just have is a tiny shimmering HOPE listed in a piece of paper. But right now,where have you been? I guess you're realizing it now.

You've also listed to have your own business, house and car. I guess that explains your purpose why you're at that place right now. It means you're trying. YOU ARE TRYING.

Enough for yourself, I know you've listed something about your family as well. You said that you want to give your family a more comfortable state. You want them to feel that life is a lot easier because they have your support. And again, that pretty much explains why you are there. YOU ARE TRYING.

I still remember how you write about hope for other people. If you could read it for me, please? Because there's no valid reason right now to feel empty and to go self-pity. You are where you are right now because of your purpose. But if things don't go the way how you want it to, just let it happen. At least you've tried your best to go over it.

If you worry about what people might think or say about you, DON'T. You don't even owe them anything for you to please them. And giving them time is just pure waste.

So now, head up baby! Don't ever fake that smile again.


SMILE for people who truly care and love you...


SMILE for that tiny shimmering HOPE you had before, you can have it again, just as much as you could...


 SMILE for the people who mocks at your gain and laugh at your mistakes. They'll get tired of doing so, someday.


SMILE because we both know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Brand new chance of turning the remaining list into reality.


Just don't get too hard on yourself.

I love you!

God be with you all the time!

<3 p="">

I Need Air

They say life is an unending battle. I agree.

And out of the million encounters that you've fought, there might be a number of loses but each time you fail, there is something that you have learned... You lose, but still you gained.

I can say that it is really easy to give hope to other people, but giving yourself a hope in times of difficulty seems to be hard. And now I ask myself, why???

I guess it's because it is hard for someone under an emotional suffering to think positively. Perhaps, he/she knows what to do, but is in fear or anxiety to make things possible. These people needs to be surrounded with people who can lift him/her up. 


2014 is said to be a wonderful year to come. It is for us to find out whether this year will bring us more than just luck or will tie us down to our own predicaments. Well, 2013 has been a good year, it just didn't quiet end well. Some people came in and just go after providing happiness. But instead of counting worries, I start to see myself counting blessings. Even the smallest thing, I learned to appreciate. I guess I really need that. We need all need that. We need to be thankful that above all else, "tomorrow"~that we do not usually understand the worth means another hope, or another chance to make things happen.

I know everyday is a gift. But once in a while, situations never fail to control me and my emotions too...

This afternoon, after having my nap. My phone started to notify some messages. I opened each and all of it were trying to tear things up. I feel down. I am puzzled. Emotionally scattered. Confused.

In times like this, I would normally speak to myself and ask... What should I do? What should I feel? I just felt like being tied up in a railroad, afraid of the coming train, waiting for someone to help... Or should I shout for one?

God really has His own way to shake me, huh.

I know, this is just a trial, that someday too shall pass. And it is given to me.  For I may not have it if  He knows I can't.

Lord, I've been good. I may sometimes fail to speak close to you but in my heart I never lost you. Take away these fears. Let me see your arms reaching mine, in that way I know I'll be safe, I'll be okay.

I'll be fine soon.

Hopefully soonest.//

Why I should love my name more...

Hey there! It's been a while... How are things going right after the typhoon? I guess everyone's busy packing goods for donation. Filipinos are really rich by heart, and I must say few are those repulsive people who try to destroy the country's fertile image. ):

Enough of that. (:

It's really not what I want to share today. Yesterday, I was chatting with my cousin. We share things like sisters. We may not have the chance to grow together but every time we talk, it's like we never run out of things to say. (:

And so, this post is dedicated to you. Since you rooted the idea. 

It started when I asked her why did she name her baby Hayley Azalia. Then, she had this research from Google to find out. She posted the meaning on my timeline as well, along with it are the meaning of her name and her partner too! Sweet!

She posted:

Still can't sleep.. Funny how cuz Apz asked me why I ended up naming my baby girl Hayley.. Then I started to google, to find meaning of our names.. Hayley means grassland.. Azalia a unique name means spared by the Lord.. Then my name means youthful and a jewel.. And Jepoy's name is the most shocking revelation it means serous and will battle until death  Funny how our names reflect our personality we have to live with it and it's beautiful meaning..

I liked it. It's wonderful to know that some people are aware of such amazing thing as the meaning of our names. It simply means that we treasure what was given to us. 

Before, as I was told by my Aunt, my name came from the month from which my mom was born. And that's April. 30th of April is her birthday. And "Lyn" was my mom's nickname, from her name Catalina. Some call her "Lina" and some call her "Lyn". 

And ofcourse, from the reliable source comes the meaning of my name.

April.

The name April is a Latin baby name. In Latin the meaning of the name April is: Open. The month April; symbolizes spring.

And the "Lyn" name means;

The meaning of the name Lyn is 'pretty'. The baby girl name is an alternative form of the Spanish name Linda and the English name Lynn.

So HAPPY learning about my name's meaning. I'm not bragging about it but the moment that I've learned about it, it made me say, "Thank you Lord for letting me exist!"

How about you, what's the meaning of your name? (:

How To Feel Good About Life...

Hey people! You're under your sheets right now perhaps. The weather seems to be a wrecking ball to our endeavors  for the day. Haha! Super typhoon in the country now! ):

But it's fine. You can never define strength without having something or someone to wreck our lives. (: Right?

...and the invisible trophy that we might have in our hands is the fact that thou some unfortunate events came into our lives, thou we see ourselves almost in the edge of giving up, here we are... STILL STANDING, STILL FIGHTING, STILL MOVING, STILL HAVE THE CHANCE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT and FEASIBLE.

I know it is kinda awkward to think  but every time I feel down and every time I meet failure, I always think... What could possibly be worst than of death? Than of without having tomorrow? Than of realizing that you were wrong but never had the chance to say SORRY?  Or never had the chance to say Thank You? Overly dramatic but it is an unseen fact that someone would hardly realize and others may not at all.

There are some who doesn't seem to decipher why their life becomes miserable. So let me help you out at the best of my abilities for you to get over it. Here are some numbers to help you out:

1.0 Enumerate the CAUSES.
 
 1.1 You can never solve anything without being able to realize what the problem is.

 1.2  Sometimes, if you become blind with the real cause, you seem to feel the pressure and just to divert it, you'll blame somebody else, that would make things worst.

 1.3 Never make a decision under a high level of emotion. Sometimes, we say things that we really don't mean when we're extremely happy, or in adverse, when we're sad, we tend to say things that later, we come to regret it.


2.0 DEAL about it POSITIVELY.

 2.1 Negative people would never find their way to long term happiness. They would always find reasons to feel bad. Most of the time, stay positive. Be good to others and they will give back twice as much as you do. If they don't, it is not your PROBLEM anymore. (:

 2.2 Learn to CONFRONT. Confrontation doesn't mean that you are rude. It just means you want to talk about what you feel. Both sides come to prove their own points, and it creates connection to solve the conflict. It is better to speak out than let everything grow terrible because you don't want to talk about it. After all, if confronting doesn't seem to work, here comes 2.3 (:

 2.3 CALM yourself and PRAY. Nothing goes wrong in PRAYING. God knows why things happen. An event might make you miserable but at the end of the day, you'll realize that what causes it is not important at all. It is HOW YOU DEAL with it. (:


3.0 BREATTTTTTHHHHHHE.

 3.1 Yes. Breathe. It helps a lot. Crying helps too. But I tell you, it makes everyone ugly so try to avoid it. Haha! (:

 3.2 Breathing deep relieves stress. I remember my Lola would always tell me that *sighing* is bad BUT for some people, it makes them feel better. And so do I!

 3.3 It is scientifically proven that emotional pain only lasts for 15 minutes, the rest of what you feel would just be self-inflicted. I know it is hard to believe. Because when it hurts, we can't dictate our minds to feel less pain when we feel so. But having that in mind makes me feel better. Promise. After crying for a period of time, Im telling myself, "Hey, that's enough. Save some tears for tomorrow." Haha. But seriously, crying would somehow ease a little pain, but having too much of it won't define your tomorrow. So just MOVE ON.

4.0 Learn about the 5 Stages of GRIEF and LOSS

 4.1 Fear. The first stage, the feeling that we cannot avoid. I would always ask some questions such as: "Bakit?" , "What went wrong??" , "Why me?", and the feeling of worries about what would happen next. How to deal with it? TALK to HIM.

 4.2 Anger. This feeling would give you the urge to blame every body or someone else. This feeling is normal, but never allow yourself to hold on to this feeling forever. It will never make you feel any better.

 4.3 Denial. A phase to which you still try not to admit what happened. You're still in a state of mind that what happens is NOT HAPPENING. Praning lang?! haha.

 4.4 Bargaining. In the fourth stage, you see yourself on bended knees. You see yourself asking God's help. What you need here is something like a MIRACLE.

4.5 Acceptance. This is the final and the hardest STAGE. But when you come to feel it, it's beyond the feeling of being in HEAVEN. Ang gaan ng feeling. Haha! The feeling of acceptance is like you've surrendered everything to GOD. Let Go means LET GOD. Let Him work in your life, and every thing will go in His way.

5.0 Count your BLESSINGS instead of  counting tiny pieces of misfortunes.

 5.1 Always remember good things are uncountable. There are million of blessings to be thankful for instead of hating the storm that only happens one in a blue moon. I'm not saying that you should love the bad phenomenon. What I'm pointing out is to just let it happen. Keep calm and PRAY. That's the most powerful thing to do. We cannot avoid such things at times.

 5.2 Appreciate the people around you and the small things that comes.

 5.3 Be grateful with a piece of PIE. Contentment is one factor to consider in defining HAPPINESS. If you in simple things you cannot manage to be happy, how much more in huge ones?


And that's it. See? It's pouring hard outside, the typhoon seems to lift things up...but I was still able to share these things to you. The lights are out, be extra careful. God be with US all the time.

Sending my warm hug to everyone,
XOXO
Apple

Defining what LOVE is...

My Own Thought About LOVE…

Love. Love. Love.

Pleasing to the eyes and it is warming to the heart. As I look at the word, there are mountains of thoughts that I look up on. Even the word itself explains it.

When I was young as a kid, I have that mistake of thinking that love is when I saw that awesome 4^th grade schoolmate looking outside from their classroom, located near the gymnasium beside the stage. Recess is the most anticipated time in my elementary days, because it means, I would have the chance to eat my sandwich right next to the person, I once thought, ‘ I love…”

Thinking about it, I felt laughing at myself! I was really a silly kid!

Years going by, I found out that the meaning of love is evolving.  Changing.  In my own hands, and in every perspective.

 Then, my high school days began. It was fantastic as I’ve experienced. The best, as everyone once had. I had my first boyfriend to which I thought, I’ll be spending my whole crazy life with. With him, I experienced to break rules. I loved him in the extent that I’m willing to give up everything for him which was not healthy for the two of us. Perhaps, it may be a wrong choice of falling in love with him but I never regret any of it. Because from my mistakes, I can determine now the difference between what’s YES and what’s NO... In my experience of loving him, I’ve learned about the word SACRIFICE. Yes, sacrifice in every angle. That beyond those negative feedbacks from my parents, I remained loving him. I was told that because of having him in my life, I would never have the chance to go to college. That instead of making my way to my chosen career, I came to find a scholarship to at least satisfy my educational attainment. That instead to be an International Head Chef, I became a Teacher. That’s sacrifice. And facing the sharpest slap that at the end, we broke up. But life won’t just end like that. I broke up with him when I was 2^nd year college for many issues I can’t bare. Yes, I was the one who gave up. For I know my worth. I cannot go wasting my life with a person who says he knows how to love but definitely don’t know how to love himself nor consider the people around him. But nothing to regret about because after a couple of years, I have my diploma in my hands plus the most awesome boyfriend everyone would love to have. <3 o:p="">

Being with him those days were the years, I realized what love is. I felt the love that I’ve been searching for the longest period of time. I came to experience new things, I’ve been to places I’ve never been, I learned to cook  and  he’s one of the best cook I know. I learned a lot from him. He helped me grow academically and in life. He supported me in about everything. When I was in college, he finishes my project when I’m near giving up. He takes care of me when I’m sick, for me he’s the best nurse ever. And he never loses temper whenever I loose mine.

As a girlfriend, I could never ask for more. He still gives even he’s near empty. He’s really a good man.  The only thing that he can’t do for me is to SING and DANCE. Even when I’m sick, and I requested him to sing for me to get better, he would say, get better and I’ll sing for you. But when I’m already fine, he would never sing as he promised. He would make a lot of excuses.

Glad that even though we ended up not together, we remained friends. Our relationship as lovers ended but our friendship is bound to eternity. He’s more than a lover to me. He’s my brother, he’s my dearest friend. We decided to do things apart for when we’re together, we can never fulfill our dreams. We’re pulling each other back together. That it’s hard for us when we’re apart. We’re like twins.

And now, I am single. Yet I feel loved, because I have my family and friends around. Happiness is when you know how to appreciate even small things you have. Love is a universal feeling.  Value is way important than price. :P And when you know how to value, that’s how you do when you love.

STIL.LET.TO

Minsan, hindi pala minsan... Kadalasan.. Makakaranas tayo madapa. Yung dapang dapa talaga... Oo, yun tipong lumapat na ang muka natin sa lupa... Sa batanguenio ika nga e subsob na. Masakit...pero palagay ko di nagtatapos dun ang istorya e. Feeling ko... May kasunod pa.

Correct!

Ano pa, e di tatayo. May napanood ako na video mula sa isang kaibigan nung pakiramdam ko'y katapusan na ng career ko sa trabaho... Sabi doon,

"If you fail, try and try...and try...and try."

Bakit? Kasi hindi ka man nabigyan ng pagkakataon na gawin tama sa unang beses... May pangalawang pagkakataon pa naman... Di ba? Pero hindi yun excuse para ulitin mo ang nagawa mong mali.


At hindi ibig sabihin na nagkamali ka, titigil ka na... Magpahinga ka muna pero wag ka titigil. Tumigil ka pag tapos na.


Oo, minsan masakit talaga at mahirap tanggapin... Kahit saang aspeto, nawalan ka man ng bagay na pinapahalagahan mo, o di kaya naman ay naloko ka... O kaya e bumagsak ka sa exam, marami pang pagkakataon bumawi... Pwede din na nagsisisi ka sa bagay na di mo nagawa...

Pero ang tanong...

"Anong problema don?"

Di mo man maitama o maibalik, may pagkakataon ka pa para magawa...o bumawi. Maraming oras...

Oo... Iba't iba nga ang tao... May iba na kahit sobrang nasaktan ok lang... Di mo maririnig ang salitang "ARAY". Meron namang iba na konteng sakit lang, kung maka-react naman ay wagas... Pero di ba maya maya naman ay wala na ang sakit? Di ba maya maya naman e wala na yung sugat? 

Pag nawalan ka, wag mo agad isipin na may mas magandang papalit... Ang una mong gawin ay magpasalamat, dahil nabigyan ka ng pagkakataon na magkaroon ng ganong bagay...o kung sa tao man, nabigyan ka ng pagkakataong makasama at makapiling ang taong yon.

Ay, napakapositive ko ata ngayon. Kasi, kung magiging bitter ako, ano bang makukuha ko? Mas sinusugatan ko pa ang sarili ko, mas masasaktan ako sa sugat na dapat ay humilom na...

Tama yung kasabihang forgive and forget pero sa tingin ko, sarili mo lang ang lolokohin mo pag ginawa mo yun... Dahil pag nasakatan ka ng sobra, nakatatak na sayo yun, yun ang di mo malilimutan kahit na sabihin mong nakamove-on kana...

Siguro, ang tamang salita don ay,

Just be yourself.

Kung galit ka sa taong yun, e di magalit ka.
 Wag mo kausapin, kung yun ang magpapaluwag ng puso at utak mo...
Pwede mo din plastikin kung di ka nahihiya sa sarili mo dahil brown bag na ang uso...
 Pero kung keri lang naman na patawarin mo, e di mas magaling. Mas maluwag.

 Wag lang ang lolokohin mo ang sarili mo sa gusto mong gawin na hindi mo naman kaya...

Kung gusto mo ng kausap, meron akong kilala na di ka iiwan kahit nasaan ka man o kahit itutulog na ng mga tao... Itiklop mo lang ang iyong kamay, ipikit mo ang iyong mga mata...at ayan na Sya. Pwede ka din umiyak pag sa tingin mo'y di na talaga kaya. Wag mo lang susukuan ang mundo sa problemang kaya naman solusyunan.


Ano, OK na? Sa tingin ko naman may point ako kahit papano... Sana nakatulong.

Kahit papaano.

#lovefreedom


Lesson should be then learned:

Yourself to STIL.LET.TO live...

STIL.LET.TO love...

STIL.LET.TO enjoy every blessing that comes and still COMING.

More to come. Right?

Actually, Mind dictates... Not the Heart.

Bitter...?
Na-ah.

People always think about falling in love, being hurt, and then fall in love again, and ofcourse, GET HURT.

People tend to say that everything they feel comes from their heart, where infact what we've done and what we felt was dictated by our minds...